Haunted
by InfinityAndOne
Summary: [One-Shot] Ethan steps down from the stand after his eulogy, but when he passes by his brother's coffin, everything finally catches up with him.


Haunted

His voice cracked as he neared the end of his eulogy. He could no longer see the faces of his colleagues and friends through his tears, and he was finding it increasingly more difficult to finish his sentence. All he could think of was Cal's injured body in the coffin to his left. The coffin that held his brother's cold, dead body.

"I don't know if you're… here, Cal. I… miss you. And I'm sorry." He sniffed, trying to keep his crying at bay. "And I love you, Caleb."

Ethan stepped down from the stand, trembling on weak legs. His throat felt clogged and his eyes stung and all he wanted was to go back to the pub. If it wasn't for Alicia dragging him out, he would still be there. And maybe that would be for the best.

He didn't understand the point of funerals. Not really. Not anymore. He'd been to far too many funerals of family members to ever find a comfort in them. They just confirmed that he'd lost yet another person. And this time it's his stupid, annoying brother who had to die for him. Some people say it's closure. It isn't. Not anymore. It's just another reminder that he's becoming more and more alone.

He glanced to his right and blinked furiously, trying to clear his vision enough to properly see the coffin. And when it worked, he really wished it didn't.

The wooden casket stood strong. Even in death, Cal was the centre of attention. The flowers on top would usually make Ethan's hay fever flare-up, but if they were, he didn't know it. His eyes were already stinging and his nose was already blocked.

He placed a shaking hand on the coffin, his final chance to be with, to _feel_ ,his brother. He wanted nothing more than to rip off the lid and see him one final time, but even if he could, he knew he wasn't strong enough.

And then his knees fell from underneath him and he gave into his tears, uncaring where he was and who would be watching him. Harsh sobs tore through his chest and throat, coming out of his mouth loudly. And usually, he would try and keep it in, contain and control. But he couldn't, and he didn't care anymore. Cal was gone, he wasn't coming back, and Ethan still couldn't believe that.

He could see it and feel it, but he couldn't believe it. He would never believe it.

He fell back from his knees and brought them up to his chest, burying his head in them and bitterly wishing that Alicia has just left him in that pub so Ethan could forget that Cal died without Ethan, who he had _asked_ for. Ethan rejected his brother's call, too busy with a girl, and all that time when he was dying, all he wanted was Ethan.

He let his brother down and now he's lying, dead, in the coffin beside him.

"Come on, Ethan," he heard a voice say. And although he could distinguish it was a man, he didn't know who. But the hand placed on his back immediately told him that Charlie was speaking to him. "Let's get you sat down." He was whispering, almost like comforting a child.

But Ethan shook his head. He was going to stay next to his brother. He was.

"Oh, Ethan."

His head snapped up at that voice and blinked to get his eyes to focus. Alicia was stood in front of him, behind Charlie who was kneeling down.

"I want him back," Ethan said through his cries. And from somewhere within him, he found the power to shout. "He wanted me! And I wasn't there!"

"You're here now, that's what matters," Charlie said.

"Except he's dead," Ethan spat.

And then silence.

Ethan shut his eyes tightly and turned away. "Sorry," he mumbled, his sobs turning into quiet sniffles and endless tears.

The hand on his back retreats and Ethan almost misses the feeling. For a mere second, he could have imagined it was Cal's hand.

But Cal's _dead_. His body is next to him. Ready to be buried in the ground.

"Let's get you up, come on." Charlie slips an arm around him and guides him up. Alicia is on the other side of him, and Ethan briefly wonders why, but when his legs feel too weak to support him and Alicia keeps him steady, the unsaid question dies on his lips.

He's led to the front pew and seated. Alicia sits next to him and holds him close, while Charlie returns to his original seat. Ethan's shaking, and all he wants to do it block this out. Go back to the pub and drink and pass out and just _forget_ , even for a moment, that Cal is dead, that he died without Ethan by his side.

Because that's something that will haunt him forever.


End file.
